Please Note – The following opinion article contains very strong language.
So this guy makes a f**king ‘banger’ on some pirated software, sends it to Spinnin Records or whoever, gets it up (for sale) on Beatport, sells a few thousand copies and makes a little capital. Great, that’s totally fine. THAT I have no problem with.
Why the f**k not? Doing what you can with what you’ve got, making some moves, bringing in some revenue so your mom and dad get off your f**king back for turning down that job or whatever.
I’ve f**king been there. I get it, that’s totally fine.
So your ‘banger’ makes some waves here and there. So you f**king rinse it. So you make 4 more like it or whatever, release an ‘EP’, make a whole f**king album. That’s your sound (even if it sounds like some other t**t). It doesn’t matter, that’s also fine.
Bookings come in, you’re playing clubs X and Y…. welcome to f**king stardom hero! It’s time to micro-manage that s**t and make it last. Maybe do some outsourcing, who f**king knows? It doesn’t matter. Deliver product, make waves, GET HYPE!
Alright, so by now everyone in the US, Canada and Europe knows your f**king name… you’re headlining this and that… you show up to X s**t-fest, and play a CD…
I AM CONFUSED! Are you or are you not a guy who can use a computer to make music? Because you’re making upwards of $200K to play a f**king CD…. so wait… why?
With all the resources you have attained in the past X years spent getting to where you are now, WOULD IT F**KING KILL YOU, to be able to add some sort of modularity, performance or showmanship BEYOND putting a fist in the air, telling people to “make some noise”, or playing the top line on an invisible keyboard in the air to show the crowd: “HEY! EVERYONE! THIS LEAD GOES HERE! WATCH MY HAND. IT GOES DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT!”
So with an inexhaustible amount of income from all the good fine folk who gave you way too much money to be up there, you couldn’t even be f**ked to plug in a keyboard to play 4 f**king notes from time to time?
Look, you MADE the f**king track, you HAVE the stems (at least you BETTER have the f**king stems). Do SOMETHING! ANYTHING! You’re supposed to be a f**king act! Something more than an animated CD player, at least. YOU F**KING BETTER BE, if I’m going to pay 100 bucks to watch you!
So you can’t play a keyboard? COOL! ME NEITHER! MIDI bro! It’s been around since the 80s which is about 11 years before you were even f**king conceived, and it STILL works great!
Wanna get even cooler about it? OSC is the latest f**king craze. Get your script on bitch! OR, bank out your stems, throw down something on another track to sync some tailored visuals too… because your VJ is sick of trying to figure out when you’re going to hit the ‘Sync’ button and let the last CD fade before you pull in the other one.
Some of you get it, I know, stage design etc… but if you can’t do anything above this line:
then s**t! Wrap it up in a cool stage, and get some performers up there with you!
Nope, it won’t sound like the f**king CD, in fact, it’ll likely sound worse, perhaps out of tune / time…. BUT HEY! People aren’t stupid, you are… they notice nice little nuances like that, but instead you’re sitting there trying to think of when the best time to say “put your f**king hands up” is, or you’re worried you might have said it 16 bars ago and just forgot… now you’re all self conscious and thinking “F**k, I really say that a lot…”
I think that this hits the core of what Noel Gallagher was hinting at, not EDM in general.
SADLY FOR YOU…. you might not get paid as much *cry* because of ALLL THAT EFFORT you have to do *sigh* to put on a show…. But in the end, people will notice…. and the respect you’d gain from ACTUAL MUSICIANS (and people with actual brains) is priceless.
So, please, stop f**king up ‘EDM’ with your f**king bulls**t lazy CD playing and get to f**king work like the many others who are… Then, the people who DO put forth their bits when they can, won’t look as f**king stupid as you.